Tuesday, March 22, 2011

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That Time I Got Bullied

Since "Bullying" is the hot new thing going on in the news these days, I figure I'd toss my two cents out there.

First off, bullying is an easily avoidable problem. You basically have to be sly as shit and make friends with the bullies before they realize they're bullies. Basically be way smarter then them and foresee their life before it happens. I'll fill you in on the first and only time I misread a situation.

Back in kindergarten I use to post up HARD on the building blocks. Just attempting to build masterpieces that my mom could see when she picked me up. My inability to color within the lines forced me to operate solely with the blocks and Legos, so some may have thought I developed a mini-monopoly in the play area. Justin J did not take kindly to my hobby. No one really seemed upset I dominated the blocks, but I saw JJ mean mugging me for like 2 weeks straight for no reason. Snack time, I'm sippin' my Motts and the dude is ignoring his sandwich just to stare holes in my face. One day, this asshole kicked possibly my greatest creation over and pinched me. Rocked my fucking world. I never cried so hard, but didn't have the balls to tell anyone what happened. Confused and stricken with anger/fear, I stood in waiting for like a month. Let JJ galavant around thinking he owned the place until one day I (arguably) overreacted and kicked him in the face bloodying his lip. That instantly put me in timeout for an undisclosed period, and for the first time in my life, establishing myself as a bully. The responsibility was just too much. Kids literally gave me their fruit snacks while at the same time taking away my shitty items like apple slices and carrots. I was a king for a week or two. Then everyone with their piss poor 5 year old attention spans forgot. Shit was over. It was like in "Power Rangers" the movie when the parents snapped out of whatever roofies Ivan Ooze gave them. Remember that movie? No? You should rent it.

Anyways, Justin J (not his real name) friended me on Facebook recently. Dude is a financial analyst at a reputable financial firm. I swear to god if I see him on the street though I will take it back to '93 and Charlie Murphy that motherfucker in the chest till he's coughing up organs.

Thanks for reading WMD Justin!

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