Tuesday, August 10, 2010

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Future Nightmares At Shaws

So the big move in day is coming and I couldn't be more ecstatic to finally leave the nest at the age of 23 (chill). As the monumental change nears I start to think about the one aspect that could haunt me during my first year away as a working man. Grocery shopping.

Sure I've lived on my own in the past...with a college cafeteria 50 yards away just waiting for me to go in and crush. Shit, looking back I remember it like a revamped Old Country Buffet with the generous portions and quality selection. But soon I'll be faced with annual trips to Shaws...one of the more difficult tasks all men will have to go through at some point in their lives.

How do I even get started? It's already hard enough to walk in there and get a meal on a random Sunday afternoon. Last time I took a field trip out to the unknown with Dub Jeezy I walked over to the cash register with a box of frozen crab rangoons, stuffed mushrooms and Uncrustable PBJs...that's clearly no way to live.

Not only will I be lost in the mecca of brand food but also struggling to keep my budget right. I'm gonna be like Shaq signing for the veterans minimum after buying out the top floor at the W. Collecting my check only to spend it all at the grocery. God damnit. I'd have Dub show me the ropes but he still doesn't know what he's doing either. The fact that my cooking skills are limited to a microwave could be what keeps me from purchasing the whole store. Only time will tell.

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