Tuesday, August 3, 2010

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The Evolution Of Beer Drinking

Aside from one debaucherous trip to Mexico, I haven't dabbled in the ol' Corona like Emma Watson here. In fact, I haven't dabbled in anything aside from the "Big Three" college beers, aka Keystone Light, Busch Light, and Natural "Natty" Light. Thursday night's equivalent of LeBron, Wade, and Bosh. Like, I'm 22, the consistent bar scene is still throwing me for a loop. I ALWAYS ask for a Bud Light no matter where I am despite the fact that it is the most varying priced beer in the world. BL smoothies can be sold anywhere from $0.50 to like $8 depending where you are. Miller Lites are a consistent $2-3, but then you take away necessary baller points from yourself. And don't you fuckin' dare try to order the "champagne of beers" Miller High Life unless you want to nurse your beer and make out with one of the two trolls at the bar drinking it. Fact. Outside of college, any girl drinking High Life is a bitch-sized red flag.

On my (rare) flourishing financial nights, I may mess around and poke my head around the Blue Moon section and if I'm feeling real froggy, I may check out what's up in the Sam Adam's tap. Keep in mind, these times are few and far between, so you best believe I'm not getting drunk off these beers. They're strictly for appearance purposes. Lure the girl in with your (possibly I don't know) classy beers, wait for her to get sloppy off vodka-tonics, then drink your way into her arms with like 13 ML smooths. Problem is, I'm content with this lifestyle. I'm trying to get on my Pokemon game right now and evolve my shit.

My first problem is that I don't even know what a classy beer is. Most likely when I try to attempt such a beer it tastes like a McDonald's milkshake mixed with a deadly concoction of shit and death. Not a good look, indeed. So I'm asking you all, what happens after age 22? Do I keep fuckin' with the Silver Bullet and America's Beer or do I step my game up?

As always, I apologize Mom if you read this, but we all know you probably won't.

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