Monday, September 13, 2010

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Meeting D-List Celebrities...And How Mildly Cool It Is



This past Saturday, this guy decided to get a little rambunctious. You know, take some whisky shots, chase it with Hawaiian Punch like the classy kids used to do. We head to this bar that last I heard, a dude died from a bottle shrapnel neck laceration or something. It's fine. I'm basically (...) a celebrity in this town, so no one will be dying on my watch. Especially with my "Popeye's spinach" concoction of whisky-HP. As I'm undoubtedly heading to the bathroom with a piss-in-the-next-8-seconds-or-your-night-is-ruined mentality, I catch out the corner of my eye a dude that looks oddly like this character on my guilty pleasure Fox Family television roller-coaster ride.

Since this piss took what felt like 14 minutes, I thought about how to attack this situation. Dealt with the whole, "this is a real questionable show to get all worked up about in a bar situation" thing and just said fuck it. It's a D-list celebrity--aka Dub Jeezy (...), how weird would this process be. First off, dude was like 5 foot zero. I felt like god damn George Muresan next to him. And I had some significant issues with the exchanged dap. It was wayy too clammy and uncomfortable. But dude turned out to be cool. About 17% of the bar knew who he was and he wasn't too creepy around all of my female friends (they may or may not exist). DISCLAIMER: None of this could be true. I was blacked out at like 12:43 that night. Needless to say, I asked him how easy it was being an D-list celebrity that 17% of the random bar population recognizes. His response: it's ok, big perk is I get Chinese Food. What?! Sign me up. I'll work for peanuts these days, peanuts being that combo platter of General Tsos, boneless spare ribs, and pork fried rice. Granted you won't get much work out of me and new bathroom investments may be need to be made, but I'll "work" nonetheless.

I'm going to reiterate the whole "I was HAMMERED thing" by saying I was staring at my fridge for 10 minutes having an anxiety attack debating whether to eat week old McDonalds breakfast. Yup, that drunk.

Didn't eat it, don't worry.

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  1. Anonymous said... September 14, 2010 at 10:05 AM

    did you ever think you were so drunk that you only thought it was him.... and he was so pathetic he went along with it?

  2. Anonymous said... September 14, 2010 at 12:14 PM

    he went to syracuse hahah he's on one of the composites in a frat here. i support the random spotting! and there is nothing to be guilty about with 'greek'...

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