Thursday, April 22, 2010

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First Annual WMD NFL Mock Draft Pt. 2

continuing, bitches.

17. San Francisco 49ers: Mike Iupati—OT Idaho

Literally the best thing to come out of Idaho in roughly 78 years, Mike Iupati is exactly what the 49ers need in order to make a true splash out West this year. Alex Smith, Vernon Davis, and Michael Crabtree all decided to be football player this year and Frank Gore is undoubtedly going to sprain his ankle in Week 6. Need for a good pass protector filled.

18. Pittsburgh Steelers: Earl Thomas--SS Texas

Another great player who despite going at 18 could just as easily go in the top 10. He has good speed and could even switch to corner at the next level. And just imagine how good he will get playing against Ben Roethlisberger and the practice squad for the first 6 games of the season…buzzzzing!

19. Atlanta Falcons- Brandon Graham--DE Michigan

The Falcons had more trouble rushing the passer last year than Rex Ryan trying to fit into a seat on an airplane. Graham is a high level pass rusher who never quits. My cousin played with him last year and said he should be great in the league. I’m not going to argue with him because he’s 6’4 245 so Graham should be great.

20. Houston Texans: Dez Bryant—WR Oklahoma St.

He might very well be off the board at this point, but dreamer can dream right. Houston would instantly become one of most explosive offenses in the league upon this pick up. ‘Dre Johnson and Bryant as the top two threats will make Matt “Stump The..” Schaub a very happy QB. When someone presents “character issues”, I present 3 excellent lawyers.

21. Dallas Cowboys: Taylor Mays--SS USC

Has the pedigree (father who played in the league) and measurables ( 6’3, 230 and runs a 4.4 40) that give him the potential to be ridiculously good at not only safety but probably like 4 other positions as well. His biggest knock is that he has poor lateral speed and lacks the instincts to do well in coverage. No worries though, I’m sure his soon to be mentor Roy Williams will teach him how to cover.

22. The Future World Champion New England Patriots (Chill)- Jared Odrick--DE Penn. State

Now we get to the most important part of the draft, the part where my New England Patriots take defend their division title. Jared Odrick is a big 3-4 defensive end who will tie up blocks and make everyone on his team better. (So pretty much the opposite of Dub Jeezy (Chillll) on a basketball court). After the Seymour trade they need a replacement DE and they find one here.

23. Green Bay Packers: Bruce Campbell –OT Maryland

Kidding. It’s actually Bruce Campbell from the famed Evil Dead Horror series. Him and his boomstick will defend Aaron Rodgers from all the terrors that could lurk around every corner. Mainly just Jared Allen. It’s great to see a 50+ year old actor lace it up and play a sport professionally that he has no experience playing.

24. Philadelphia Eagles: Sean Weatherspoon--OLB Missouri

The Eagles get a guy who can add some consistency to what was a shaky linebacking core. Great productivity in college and has been even more impressive in senior bowl and combine. Also has the intangibles to excel; probably the best shit-talker out of any of this year’s prospects.

25. Baltimore Ravens- DeMarius Thomas--WR Georgia Tech

Even with the trade for Anquan Boldin earlier in the season the Ravens have a real lack of wide receivers. Last year they had the worst wideouts in the league. Now with Anquan they are mediocre, DeMarius Thomas a freak athlete who has a lot to learn at the pro level will help them make sure the Ravens never have one of the worst receiving corps in football again.

26. Arizona Cardinals: Jerry Hughes—DE/OLB TCU

Another one of those prototypical tweeners. “Ah, I’m so fast and strong, they don’t know where to put me!! Ughhh.” Life sucks bro. I remember how it was when I was scouted for the NFL and they wanted to draft me at so many different position that they couldn’t decide. Left me all nerve-racked. It’s tough being good at everything football related Jerry.

27. Dallas Cowboys: Anthony Davis–OT Rutgers

The Cowboys get a big time OT out of Rutgers. The Cowboys also get 20 yds better a game on offense by getting Davis to replace Flozell Adams who was good for 4+ false starts a game.

28. San Diego Chargers: Linval Joseph--DE ECU

29. New York Jets: Kareem Jackson—CB Alabama

The Jets literally had the wildest off-season we’ve seen in awhile. They re-stocked their roster, sured up any issues they had regarding team needs, and inked a deal for the most entertaining season of “Hard Knocks” yet. If anyone remembers the AFC Championship game, Peyton Manning basically picked apart every corner that wasn’t named Darrelle Revis. Cromartie is a help, but teams are probably going to be playing with more than 2 wide receivers a few times during the game.

30. Minnesota Vikings: Carlos Dunlap--DE Florida

Already solid at most positions the Vikings go for the best value on the board with Carlos Dunlap. He has some serious character issues but a top 10 talent with potential to improve if he can stay out of trouble.

31. Indianapolis Colts: Rodger Saffold--OT Indiana

32. New Orleans Saints: Tim Tebow--QB Florida

--Tim came in and wrote this one for us.

So there you have it. Take that Mel Sniper and Todd McGay. The real gurus are here and we don't need hairpieces, fancy schmancy touchscreen displays, or sexy ass Sage Steele to prove our point. Tune in tonight to see us hit 100% of these. It's like buying a winning Powerball ticket.

See ya tonight.

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