Wednesday, April 14, 2010

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Remember When Candace Parker Beat JR Smith In The H.S. Dunk Contest?

Looks fairly close when you put them on top of each other right? I just laughed too. No, but seriously Candace's fingertips barely grazing the rim is clearly more impressive than J.R. Smith hitting his head on the fucking scoreboard though. Ludicrous. I don't know why this is rousing such a response from me like 7 years later. It's like I just got over what happened. A true tragedy in my life. I'm all for women's rights believe me, but you can't let this slide America. Look at where JR's hand is, it's absurd. Plus I am in love with Candace, she is by far the hottest women's basketball player ever (married to the ugliest men's bball player in recent memory), so you know I not hating on her.

If I were J.R. I'd be having some pretty consistent PTSD going on in my life. Waking up in cold sweats saying, "She shot a lay-up and grabbed the rim! I 360'd from the foul line! Why God? Whyyyyy!!!" I feel pretty bad, but then again women always have the "we bear children" thing that acts as the ultimate "Get Out Of Jail Free" card.

I feel like the enemy in your standard 90s era cartoon: "You beat me this time Candace, but this is just the beginning!!! as I'm petting a large white cat with a mischievous grin.

Goodnight. Legitimately don't let the bed bugs bite, they are a motherfucker.

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