Friday, April 23, 2010

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How A Real Life "Work" Draft Would Go For Me

In honor of our grossly incorrect mock draft, I decided to see how I'd project if there was a "draft" for straight working. Nothing real specific just the intangibles. Consider it more of a "drafting based on combine performance" type of thing.

Kiper and McShay got me pegged as a mid-late round pick, which is completely cool. For some reason I'd still be there in a Brooks Brother's suit chillin' in the draft lounge. The analysts are going to be confused as hell why I'm there. I'll assuredly be casually napping, eating the most free stuff, and getting in all the shots with the first round picks--to sell on Ebay when the whole work thing doesn't work out.

When I finally get drafted (shades above Mr. Irrelevant aka a dyslexic kid) Kiper and McShay will have their usual highlight and lowlight videos.

"You know, I really like this kids inability to show that he cares about anything he's doing out there. It's almost confusing how he has remained employed at places while actually not doing anything. Check the video here: watch as he opens and closes Facebook 15 times in a span of 7 minutes. He knows that aren't any updates, yet keeps clicking it. He keeps one excel document open at all times in case a co-worker or a boss walks by. His footstep recognition is incredible."

"I agree Mel, this kid manages to squeak by with consistent hour and a half lunch breaks and multiples restroom trips (rumor has it that he naps most of the time). He's definitely a different prospect than we are used to seeing. I feel like once he finally gets motivation, stops writing a shitty blog, and starts making some real bank, he can be a real value to a company. A true project."

I'd definitely be some JUCO level potential employee, except instead of pushing my girlfriend downstairs and missing multiple meetings, I am take 3-4 napshits a day. I am not volatile, but you can expect a few missed practices (work days) because of McDonalds, hangovers, or general ill-will towards that day.

Dub "The Red Flag" Jeezy.

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