Monday, May 10, 2010

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Senior Week Into Graduation....From The Other Side

Roughly one year ago today, my life ended aka I graduated. I then got confused as all hell, and in the middle of several rash decisions, this blog was born. It was kind of like an unplanned pregnancy where I didn't really like the idea of the blog at first, but it grew on me and I learned to love it. That's not true. It's more like I realized this figurative kid was really good at sports and had potential to make me money down the line, so I had to stick it out. Wow. I'm going to stop with that controversial comparison and get right to the point...

Listen up college kiddies that may be approaching D-Day:

1) Don't worry about it.

1a) Actually, don't even speak about it. If any of your friends say the "G" word, beat the shit out of them, they'll understand.

2) Make everyday last as long as possible kids. You don't have many days of reckless, finals-free drinking remaining, so buck up and slam the cheapest of brews into the earliest of hours. You'll regret it if you don't.

3) Make sure you see everyone that had an influence on you throughout your 4 years (or 5 super-seniors). Even the enemies you made. Nothing is wrong with engaging in several epic brawls before you don the cap and gown. Just don't lose the fight though. It's not a good look to have a black eye and a broken nose in front of the fam.

4) If a majority of the school is participating in Senior Week, do it. Even if it's stupid or expensive. If you don't lease your first apartment and ask your parents for $3000 two days before, you should probably be able to afford it. You don't want to miss out on the last memories with the majority of your class present.

5) Somehow try to reach a smooth drunk before you cop that diploma. Obviously don't be shitfaced (no one wants to see you throw up on Grandma) or hungover, because you're going to be sitting there for awhile. A good drunk will allow you to laugh off the terrible speaker with your most likely drunk compadre next to you. Don't worry about the pictures, if you're a stud or a hottie, you're going to look awesome. Don't listen to Facebook when it says you can't take pics drunk.

6) This may be the one last opportunity in life where it is mildly acceptable to cry like a bitch. Yeah, I did it. It was a combination of the steady drunk, the goodbyes, the knowledge of my life effectively ending, and again, the steady drunk. Let a few shed. Your parents will be disappointed, your father embarrassed, but hey, you used their money to get that paper, cry it up. Wait..that doesn't make sense.

Good luck out there kids. I'm expecting to compete with like 74,000 of you in the blog world within the next few months.

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