Thursday, May 5, 2011

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On The Real, Can You Die From A Hang Nail?

I'm legit on my death bed from this hangnail that I "handled" this morning. I use the term "handled" loosely because it took like 45 minutes and I discretely cried at least 4 times.

The moment it came out of my finger my life flashed before my eyes in the flashback sequences they have in those witty TV sitcoms on network TV. Shit was absolutely devastating. Literally almost went into the lobby and called my mom. God knows how that conversation would have turned out. She told me to buck up during hangnail crises when I was 5, so she probably would have drove down and publicly assaulted me if I called her about it at age 23. The problem is, I can't see myself getting over this. I can see my kids consoling me and kissing boo-boos for me until I'm on my deathbed (which will undoubtedly be because of PTSD related to hangnail problems).

There's no blood, or bruises for that matter. Just phantom pain. That same shit you get when you lose a limb, except it was small piece of skin on my pinky finger. Literally the wrath of God applied to 1/5th of my hand.

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