Tuesday, May 3, 2011

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PDA Has Been Getting Excessive Lately

The coming of spring means skirts, tank-tops, booty shorts, and those low-cut v-necks girls dare to wear. Spring also brings a stupid amount of allergies and disgusting couples trying to make out in line at fucking Wendys.

Yes, that last thing happened. There were 7 people in line, me being the seventh, and the 5th and 6th were the Honeymooners. First off, it's Wendy's. No one's especially proud to be there, let alone turned on. I don't even think there's a scenario where it's appropriate to take a girl to Wendy's. Shit was looked down upon in middle school. That didn't stop these two because they didn't mind me being in the front row of their borderline sexfest. I had to pull the fake sneeze/cough combination to slow down the dude's bunt to first. Playing through mental scarring, I still managed to dominate that #6 Spicy Chicken combo.

I think I have to draw an attractiveness line too. If the couple is decent looking they're allotted an additional 30 seconds of whatever they're doing. It's like those Checkpoints in "Cruis'n USA", but way more superficial. Once that time runs out though, you as a bystander have to employ some tricks. You can go with the tried and true drive-by "AHEM!" right next to them, but their fornication fortress is probably a little stronger than that. The best approach I've seen is the concerned and disappointed glare. If executed properly for a period of 3 minutes, the antics will stop. Only: new fathers who are pissed they have a daughter, really old dudes who are riddled with dementia, and ugly feminist chicks can pull this off. They're the Batmen to our city's making out and ass gripping Jokers.

I feel like that kid that got bullied so bad he had to transfer schools--if "bullying" meant witnessing gross PDA and "transfer schools" meant find another Wendys.

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  1. bloggggggger said... May 4, 2011 at 5:24 PM

    hysterically laughing !!!!!!!

  2. PostScripter said... May 4, 2011 at 6:24 PM

    seconded. another way to stop the two is to try to skip them in line. even in that moment, no man can accept that unspoken challenge.

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