Friday, March 12, 2010

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Burger King Unleashes Brunch Menu All Over Our Asses

I haven’t seen a decision this dangerous since the Taco Bell Shrimp Taco experiment of 2010. Wait, that’s still being sold? Jesus.

I got off the train today, casually walked past the old watering hole (watering hole for me means Burger King) and had to do a triple take. You can imagine what a triple take looks like at 8:30am in the middle of a crowded walking area. It was like a poorly produced skit from “All That.” Did I just read BK brunch? It was like the most cryptic thing I’ve ever read, basically hieroglyphics. What does this “brunch” entail? Oh, it looks like they sell a breakfast bowl, filled with everything that would normally be on a breakfast platter. Hmm. After I threw up in my mouth, I began to consider what a forkful of pancake, processed egg, sausage, and hashbrowns would taste like..for the perilous price of $1.49. This shit is either the most unsafe item on the market, or I will be doing a disservice to the decision making team in my brain for not giving it a shot. Needless to say, I’m writhing in pain right now wondering what the hell just happened. I feel like that dude from “Momento.” Permanent amnesia, loss of basic cognitive functions, and a thirst for revenge (because I didn’t get an orange juice..dumb me).

Because my body isn’t exactly what we call “smart” I will probably fall down this path at least 15-48 more times in the coming months. I’ll chronicle each attempt in detail each time whether you like me to or not, because this is my blog and I’m feeling giddy (or sick) because it’s Friday.

PS. The brunch menus stops at the 10:30...the same time breakfast stops. What?!

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