Mission: Purchasing This Kid As An Investment For The 2018 NFL Draft

Just looking at this made 9 year old me cry and grab my mother's leg. His little legs picked up some real speed, real fast.

So back to my borderline creepy idea of purchasing this kid and grooming him into a future NFL star. He has the potential, but I bet his parents are all like, "worry about school and eat your vegetables." Eff that. Muscle Milk, chicken, oatmeal, steaks, charm school, and the most non-height stunting steroids available. It's too important for me..and him I guess. When you're running a 4.9 40 yard dash at the age of 9, you should be insulted that no one bought you, turned you into a meatheaded linebacker that got a 1200 on their SATs (new version), and earns $8 million a year.

So, call me. We'll start negotiations right away.