Tuesday, October 25, 2011

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I Completely Side With This Teacher That Got So Unbelievably Drunk The Principal Thought She Had A Stroke

You're saying she taught kindergarten? Well that explains why she took an ENTIRE bottle of wine to the face. Kindergartners are some of the worst people on the planet.

I remember sitting in class sometimes and just screaming for no reason because there weren't any real repercussions. The ability to take advantage of kindergarten teachers is extrordinarily easy. You'll get maybe a "stop that" or a "settle down", but you weren't really in any danger until they threatened to call your Mom. That's when you shut the fuck up, grab the crayons, and dig your face in the coloring book. But sometimes there were those badass kids that have no fear of the Mom call and kept on causing chaos. So I get it, teach. While the kids are in size-place order waiting for chicken patties, pop open that Pinot Grigio and slug it back in the supply room. I don't know if you should have drank the whole thing, but I certainly like your style.

Tommy kicked over Susie's blocks? Doesn't matter because you're shit faced and look as if you're stroking out, which is kind of a problem I guess? Yesterday I addressed "casually stealing a remote" drunk and it appears today we are introduced to "you resemble a person having a stroke drunk." The latter seems exponentially worse, but it got you kicked out of school which was the ultimate goal right?

--One time my kindergarten teacher was inches away from calling my Mom. I immediately panicked, instantly finished my coloring, picked up every block on the ground, and apologized to like 5 kids for no reason in a span of 30 seconds. A top 3 life achievement.

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  1. Anonymous said... October 26, 2011 at 12:17 PM

    tremendous, tremendous post

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