Friday, October 14, 2011

// //

Is It Bad That I Learned How To Use A Razor Blade Like Two Days Ago?

It's not bad right? I'd go with lazy/irresponsible over bad any day. My dad actually taught me how to shave years back after a pretty ridiculous facial rash incident that I'm going to explain for some reason.

I was like 7 and some idiot relative bought me one of those Fisher Price fake shaving kits to make me feel like a man. After seeing my dad dominate shaving and look badass whenever he cut his face, I figured it was my time to step in the ring despite being 7. Took out my plastic shave kit, put some very questionable substances on my face, and went to town with a plastic razor for like 40 minutes. Needless to say, Dad comes home, I'm crying and Mom's confused as fuck as to what happened. After some over the counter antibiotics and tough summer days where I didn't make contact with other people because I literally had a rash on my face, my dad decided to teach me. Shit was not how I imagined it at all. Razor sharp blades, burning alcohol, blood everywhere, and the knowledge that you have to do it again 3 days later. Told myself that day I would never shave. Dad got me an electric razor before high school and I thought that was the end of that.

Flash forward to Wednesday. Electric razors kind of suck---pinching cheeks, not really accomplishing what they're supposed to, and bothering anyone in a 50 feet radius. I've been pussyfooting around with consistent stubble for like 6 years and have been in denial about it, so it was time for a change. I'm not kidding when I say it took me 45 minutes in the razor aisle at CVS to buy a razor. How many blades is too much because I'm pretty sure that 3rd blade starts making it's way into the epidermis. And what the FUCK is a cartridge? Why do some of them include a single AAA battery with no place to put the battery? Questions. Went with my gut and after spending way too much time assembling the razor/razor blade, I got after it.

Moral of that long winded, borderline pointless story, I'm a bitch. The actual shave took roughly 35 seconds and it was as quick and efficient as a 1992 Tyson fight. I'm embarrassed that I wrote about this and you read this.

0 Reactions to this post

Add Comment

Post a Comment