Thursday, October 13, 2011

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I Can Get Down With This Ridiculously Complicated $6,400 Toilet

In an ongoing effort to be baller as hell, it's a given that I need to be doing my business in this toilet/trash compactor/telescope machine. Let's talk perks:

1) Heated seats: I don't believe it took until 2011 for us to get heated seated toilets. An unexpectedly cold booty has to rank in the top 10 worst feelings you can have. Almost as important as fire and electricity.

2) Music: The. Game. Has. Changed. Nothing like turning a routine bathroom trip into a seedy bar basement playing nothing but Top 40. Pitbull, toilet paper, LMFAO, and air freshener. Your mind won't know what happened.

3) Automatic Lid: Pretty damn convenient even though I leave the toilet seat down like 60% of the time. I think I'm at my peak aiming ability, so it very rarely hits the toilet. Definitely going on a tangent. I can see this malfunctioning and lifting people up at inopportunely hilarious times. A Youtube dream.

4) Remote Control: Don't understand the need, but one of the underlying definitions of baller is: unnecessary. Imagine organizing a dance party with just your toilet and a remote.

If I'm not oneing and twoing in a lap of warm luxury, listening to Rihanna, and accidentally lifting the seat by tomorrow night, life just won't be worth living.

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  1. Craig said... October 13, 2011 at 11:13 PM

    these pictures do nothing to distinguish this thing as a toilet

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