Monday, December 12, 2011

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DOBC: Death of Bubble Coats

^I Spy a comically small broom and stacks of beer balls in the back right of this picture. Did I mention, I'm single?

Was the death of the bubble coat, the most abrupt and unrecognized fashion death of our generation? Like a flash, they were eliminated as a legitimate cold-weather clothing option for what seemed like no reason. No idea what happened. I was checking in the closet for a dufflebag and saw mine balled up in the corner looking absolutely pathetic. By all accounts, it's my warmest coat, but I simply can't wear it out of fear of looking like an out of touch herb. I'm going to do a service to the once respected jacket and give it a proper obituary.

MY GRAY AND BLACK NORTH FACE COAT (2002-20??)

My gray and black North Face bubble was a great coat. It was warm, fluffed to all hell with goose feathers, and gave me a false sense of safety. Numerous times I asked people to punch me while I wore it and pretended to not feel pain when the hits actually really hurt. Many people took the liberty to call me variations of the "Michelin Man" and "That Marshmallow Dude from Ghostbusters" when I wore it. I felt fortunate because, let's be honest those were terrible jokes that made anyone who said them sound like an idiot. I'll miss struggling to wash/dry my coat due to a gross lack of cleaning instructions. I'll even miss your unexpectedly weak and flimsy hood that did very little against the weather you were built to protect against. Sometimes your pockets could hold the world, like Baggin' Saggin' Barry and sometimes, they couldn't hold my cell phone. Your unpredictability will be missed, your warmth was unquestioned, and despite what society wants me to do, I'll occasionally wear you when I go to take out the trash. RIP.


8 Reactions to this post

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