Thursday, December 15, 2011

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Friends Ask Dub: "What Do You Want For Christmas?"

Finally no more porn related questions because that was starting to get awkward. Kidding, that was an awesome post to write. Felt liberated as hell to turn this into "WMD: After Dark." (Quietly want to start that site by the way).

Why isn't Mariah hot anymore? One of the more plaguing questions to affect my life. I'm just sad every time I hear "All I Want For Christmas Is You" knowing full well that she's bloated and getting impregnated by Nick Cannon. Not the future I envisioned. That said, it's Christmas time and you guys want to know what I'm trying to acquire. Well you're going to be completely disappointed because it's kind of weird.

Giant douchebag golf umbrella. That's what I want. Preferably Jets:
Yeah, I'm officially an old person. No need for video games. I get NBA 2K and NCAA when they come out. I have a nice TV, a solid computer, and a King size bed. Honestly what else do I need? I've broken 20 umbrellas on my morning commute when gusts of wind decimate them into thousands of pieces. Let's say every umbrella is $10. 10 x 20=200. Factor in Massachusetts tax and that shit's like a million dollars. I'd be a legitimate millionaire if I had my umbrella game tight. That's why I'm cutting out the middle-man (me) and waiting for Christmas time to launch an all out assault on anyone who cares about me. I NEED a douchebag/asshole umbrella to ensure dryness, pride, and potential millionaire status. NEED it.

Good luck wrapping that shit. Pay me a zillion dollars to do that and I'd end up cutting my wrist with the scissors before effectively completing that job.

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  1. Anonymous said... December 15, 2011 at 9:23 PM

    Just in case you wanted some other ideas:

    Also, the Senz umbrella doesn't turn inside out. Ever. My friend had it, haha.

  2. Dub Jeezy said... December 16, 2011 at 9:02 AM

    that's an impressive and lavish display of luxury douchebag umbrellas. thank you so much haha

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