Wednesday, December 28, 2011

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Worst Ninja Turtles Weapon?

We're automatically taking Leonardo out of the discussion because my man was the ultimate cheat code. Rockin' TWO metal swords while two of his brothers are using wood-based weapons like herbs. Splinter probably should have delegated one of those swords to someone else. Then again, I'm no sensei, so what do I know?
A lot of people look at Donatello and think he has a terrible weapon. Like he's going into battle with a branch that fell off a tree. Nuh uh. I'm fully positive he's rocking some bamboo-redwood concoction that may or may not be harder than metal. Plus he can hit people from like 10 feet away without fear of getting punched in the face. Lastly, he can deal non-lethal blows unlike Leonardo who simply has no choice but to slice people to death. No one likes blood on their shell.
Michelangelo doesn't have the best weapon, but they certainly aren't the worst. For some reason, when I see nun-chucks they give off the impression that they hurt really badly. Like they'd leave a serious bump on your head if you got womped with them. Can't be rolling to the bars with a cartoon sized lump on my dome. Respect Mike.
I don't know about you, but all I see are giant forks. Just outlandish cutlery with red fabric wrapped around them. My friend mentioned, "how come no one bled after Raphael stabbed them?" I never thought of that, but it's true. Not only does he have to attack people strictly at close range, but you're telling me that when he does attack, the biggest injury he can inflict is a cracked rib with a blunt dagger? I think this answers the question. You're not getting selected in "Ninja Turtle III: Turtles in Time" too often when you're making things happen with forks.

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