Tuesday, December 13, 2011

// //

Friends Ask Dub: "What's More Shameful, Being A Pornstar Or Being The Live Webcam Girl That Pops Up In The Bottom Right Of Your Screen?"

^My safe search is permanently off and I just didn't have many appropriate choices for the picture.

(It goes without saying, things are about to get dark. Mothers/Good people stop reading now because we're taking a journey into the depths.)

Ah, porn. A topic that hasn't been touched on the blog and a topic I kind of avoid because like I said, things get dark. But fuck it. Let's go. Fellas, we all know EXACTLY what this question is asking. We casually ask it to ourselves every night before we..umm..engage. That said, we have to look into this from the perspective of the respective women: the pornstar and the live webcam girl.

My perspective as a female pornstar:

I don't give a FUCK what people think about me because I'm rich and have a shark tank in my heavily mirrored bedroom. Sure, my parents stopped talking to me after "Naughty Bookworms 22", but who needs parents when you've got sharks. My love life isn't too glamorous, but that's ideal. All I want is sex is anyway. I don't care if the guy just throws me a towel and walks away, I'm adored by all my fans. My Twitter followers tell me I'm hot all day, so that's cool and my Facebook Fan page profile pic has 11,130 likes. People respect me! I swear they do! I won an AVN for best Interracial scene so that means I'm progressive. Why doesn't my Mother answer any of my calls? And why does Fleshlight keep calling me?!

My perspective as a live webcam girl:

Man, today was tough at the law firm. I just want to plop down, open some Ben & Jerry's and watch some network television. ::After showering and slipping into a nightie I open up my laptop:: I guess I'll call Cathy and see how things are going in the chat room. Whoa, there are 13 people in the room! I'm signing on. Oh god, it says I'm in the bottom right corner of Pornhub. I hope I'm not bothering whoever is surfing. Aw, who am I kidding, they X'ed me out a long time ago. "Hey guys, you want to see more? Just click private." God, this spiel never works. I hope my coworkers aren't watching this. Scratch that, NO one is paying attention to me right now. Pretty sure I can say and do whatever I want right now. Wait a second. Someone named "DubJeezy" just signed in and paid for the premium package. Oh my god, what do I do? He's asking me to get a bag of marshmallows, a picture of Nick Cannon, and the game Jenga. Shit, things are about to get weird.

Andddd scene. Whoa. Don't think I'll ever be the same after that. Got a little gay and certainly got creepy. Oh well, no regrets. After much ado, my answer is: pornstar. Them bitches have like a 40 year shelf life and that's if you're lucky. Webcam girls can make like $100 a month and live to fight another day working their 9-5 desk job. Sure SexyLisaXOXO is depressed, a little lonely, but in the end she's in better shape than Jenna Haze is in 30 years.

0 Reactions to this post

Add Comment

Post a Comment