Monday, December 12, 2011

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Things You Think About When You Hear Your Toilet Flush 6,600 Times in One Day

This is a video of my toilet.

Yesterday morning, I flushed my toilet. And then, my toilet flushed again. And again. And again.

“Stop flushing,” I said to my toilet. But it didn’t listen. It just sat there flushing.

I jiggled the handle. I twisted some knobs. I jumped up and down and stamped my feet. But my toilet just kept flushing.

My toilet is sealed in such a way that you can’t access any of the pipes, and maintenance for my apartment building is closed on weekends. So my little toilet continued in this manner, flushing every 12 seconds, from 10 am yesterday until approximately 4 pm today. That’s 30 hours of nonstop flushing, or, for anyone who’s counting, 9,000 consecutive flushes. Look at my little toilet go!

Yesterday was a Sunday. I was hungover and football was on, so naturally I didn’t leave my apartment. Didn’t even consider it, really. This has become somewhat of a tradition lately. I enjoy it more than I should.

I left for work at 8 am this morning, so that means I was present for 22 consecutive hours after the flushing commenced, or, if you’re keeping track, 6,600 total flushes.

A lot of things ran through my mind as I listened to my little toilet flushing away. Most of them not very good things. It’s hard to stay optimistic when every sentence and every thought you have is punctuated by a big “FLOOOOOOSSHHHHHH.”

I thought about the holidays coming up, and I thought, “I have so many friends and family members that love and care about me.”


I met a girl I liked last week. She seemed to like me too. I thought, “Maybe I’ll ask her out on a date this week.”


I thought about my job and all of the things going on in my life, and I thought, “I have a bright and promising future ahead of me.”


You see what I’m getting at. Watch that video while you’re doing absolutely anything and it’ll make sense.

Then, I thought of the absurd amount of water I was wasting (approximately 14,400 gallons). I thought of this not because of environmental concerns, but because I feared it may raise my bill at the end of the month (still kinda worried about this btw).

Then, I went to pee, and as I was peeing, I thought that the bright spot of the situation was that I didn’t have to push the handle down to flush after I pee. Then, I realized that not needing to push the handle down after I pee’d was probably the highlight of my day.



Hope you all enjoyed your weekend!

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