Want To Have Nightmares Tonight?

If you're not having nightmares tonight exclusively featuring a porcupine that sounds like a disgruntled "WALL-E", then you're not on my level.

What in the good name of anything was this video trying to accomplish? I would have bet the farm that this thing was a robot dressed in a porcupine suit based on the sole fact that it sounded like a VHS on fast-forward. And let's not beat around the bush, dude really pussy-footed around that cookie. We as viewers came to see your scary ass devour a cookie, not talk our ears off. On the real, what the fuck do you have to say? How is your day so interesting that you are spouting off for the entirety of a 39 second video? Anytime I'm on the phone with one of my parents, my end of the conversation lasts less than 30 seconds. Let them know I'm not sick, I ate today, and I'm still single--basic guidelines to a parent-child conversation. No reason for a porcupine to fill us all with fear for pointless dribble.

Thoroughly apologize for ruining all of your evenings.