Friday, December 16, 2011

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Facebook Friday #3

Got a little tense today. Put up the status and didn’t think anyone was going to comment. Reminded me of inviting people to a party and no one showing up. I’m was just sitting in my figurative party hat waiting by the door praying someone knocked. Good thing some comments started to roll in though. Almost offed myself. Facebook Friday everyone:

1) The Most Important Cats of 2011

Shout out to Shironek, “the most relaxed cat in the world.” I’ve been striving to win the human version of this title since 1987, but things haven’t fallen into place. 2011 may be my year when the judges see how little I’ve done to impact society. Thanks MD

2) Kids Suspended For Tebowing
I’m going to side with the school here in an unexpected twist straight out of a Nancy Drew novel. Part of me thinks some of these asshole youths decided to make a mockery of my man Timmy Teebs and Tebowed wrong. You need a perfect 90 degree angle on your kneel, your head nestled in a praying to something stance, and a genuine accomplishment. If these kids got 100s on their spelling test, Tebow away, but don’t do it if you don’t have a reason. Thanks JR.

3) According to some Evolutionary Shit, all of Santa’s Reindeer are Supposedly Females
I think this was an effort by the Coalition of Women to make fun of men by saying we’re lazy and poor with directionality. All I see are the guy reindeer sitting on the sideline and the chick reindeer doing some fat old man’s bidding. I’m not saying this is reflective of the “get me a sandwich” mentality of today’s society, but it definitely is. Thanks ER,

4) Hungary Outlaws Being Homeless as of 15 Days Ago
The obvious question that comes to mind is: what happens if you’re homeless on December 2nd? Do you “disappear?” Get disintegrated by some invisible, unexplained monster like that terrible movie I keep seeing advertised called “The Darkest Hour”? They can’t just take you to jail, because that’s essentially giving the homeless a home. And Hungary doesn’t seem down to help out people in need at all. How about we cool it with Darfur for a sec and investigate what’s happening to Hungary’s homeless for the past 2 weeks. Thanks BB.

5) Worse Roommate Violation: Dropping Toilet Paper in Toilet or Not Cleaning Anything In the Kitchen

For starters, I’m an awful, awful roommate. Deplorable. I’m cocky, annoying, selfish, and most of all unclean. If I see my roommates cleaning, I literally leave the house and walk around until I think they’re done. Then come back and take credit like I was somewhere in the shadows taking out our kitchen’s trash. Pretty sure none of them like me. With that said, dropping TP in the toilet might be the worst thing you can do. You have to fish it out of dirty toilet water that you most likely did your business in and you have to live with the shame of destroying perfectly good Charmin. If you’re one of those assholes that puts it back and hopes it dries off all crinkly and shit, you deserve to be shot. No trial or jury. One shot to the face. Nothing worse than a cover-up TP drop. Thanks KCon.

Got this one up late today. Sorry, had to do “real” work. Insane how that actually happens sometimes. Thanks and have a swell weekend everyone. Follow me on Twitter @WMsDiary. I’ll be blacked out 90% of it and putting up some alarmingly hilarious tweets.

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  1. Anonymous said... December 16, 2011 at 4:36 PM

    i've known you a long time and was completely unaware that you were a writing genius. ridiculous.

  2. Anonymous said... December 16, 2011 at 4:55 PM

    You "were" a writing genius?

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