Friday, December 9, 2011

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Facebook Friday #2

Two weeks and the wheels on this misguided bus haven't fallen off yet. Frankly I'm impressed. That said, let's get on with it:

1) Douchebag Investment Manager Snaps On A Girl That Didn't Call Him Back After A Date:
At first I felt for the guy because we've all had a girl deny us in a salty manner. I'm still at a loss to why girls give you numbers at the bar, but won't respond to your text a couple of days later. Then this dude dropped the, "That's real money. That's not monopoly money" line and he lost me. I feel like it's a rite of passage for any investments asshole to reference a comparison between real money and monopoly money at least once in their working career. Thanks MD.

Thank GOD the justice system wasn't this on-point when I was six. I was a bonafide rapist. Going up to chicks and just kissing whoever I pleased when the teacher wasn't looking. Teacher started writing on the chalkboard, I snuck one in. She cried, I denied. Looking back on it, that explains a TON. Thanks Tino

3) Skip Bayless Sucks:

Actually, dude's pretty jacked. If he fights like he argues (reckless, over the top, and wrong), he literally may rip me limb from limb and eat my face off. On a sidenote, my man Stephen A. Smith got a little too ghetto on TV the other day. Thanks CG

4) An American Juggalo 23 Minute Mini-Movie: Thanks Tino. If anyone wants to take the afternoon off to watch this, they'll probably get fired.
(Ever since Eminem called them "Faggy 2 Dope" and "Silent Gay", and had a track on the Marshall Mather's LP dedicated to both of them felating each other, I stopped taking the whole "Juggalo" thing seriously).

5) Kris Humphries Baking Cookies on Good Morning America:
My man Kris basically climbed the face of life's mountain and promptly fell off the other side. Like 2 minutes ago dude was yucking it up with Scott and playing Halo with Rob. Now dude is popping in some Pillsbury Toaster Strudles into the toaster. Also, I'm pretty sure he's not on any NBA roster at the moment. Damn. Thanks JT.

Just another case of a video games altering reality. Happens all the time for the chiseled gamer. Can't knock these guys one bit. Last night, I was watching the college football awards and thought my digital QB in NCAA Football '12 would sweep the offensive player awards. All you got to do is splash your face with some cold water and trudge forward like nothing happened. Thanks BL.

This wine has these curators by the balls. Taunting them, daring anyone to come up and attempt to see what's inside. I'd be scared too if pent up 600 year old grape smell was waiting to smack me in the face. Hell, I'm terrified if there's a rogue Bud Light hanging out in the bag of the fridge. You don't know wrath until you've had an 11 month old, half-frozen Bud-Light. Thanks CG.

8) Couple Of Chicks Looking To Cuff Up Some Dudes for The Holidays via Craigslist:
I'm so on board with this, it's crazy. Everyone wants someone for the months of December-March (excluding Christmas and Valentine's Day). It's cold as fuck, there's ton's of TV on demand, and hot chocolate made by someone else is 1000x better than hot chocolate you make. Tino coming in hot on Facebook Friday.

9) The Motherfucking Hawaii Chair:
If you're down for throwing up twice a day, being unable to complete basic tasks, and getting fired, the Hawaii Chair is right for you! I damn near wanted to dedicate an entire blog to this thing, because it has to be one of the worst inventions ever created. The song was awful, the chair is vomit inducing, and the bit extras throughout the video looked terrified to be on it. Sometimes the stars align and a perfect Youtube video is born. Big thanks MM.

10) Chargers Kicker Nick Novak Just Pissing On The Sideline Before A Kick:
I tried that once in football and peed all over myself, my gloves, somehow my helmet, and like 4 teammates. I'm thoroughly impressed. Thanks RP.

Thanks everyone!

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