Thursday, December 15, 2011

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Tebowisms In Real Life Situations



Tim Tebow. Literally just fucking up for 92% of the game and playing perfect-God comparison'd football for the last 8%. I love that style. Controversially effective. Here are everyday real life Tebow situations:

At Work:
Get to work late. Struggle to turn on your computer and when you do, forget your password 3 straight times so your system locks. Go to the bathroom like 9 times. Spend 20 minutes each trip napping/dumping. Eat Indian for lunch. Come unprepared to two meetings. Develop a complex algorithm to increase company profits by 400%, repair a marriage, and make 4 girls fall in love with you. TEBOWED.

Meeting A Girl:
Stumble all of your words. Buy her a drink that she hates. Receive a smack in the face. Dance terribly and be the only person that wasn't taught How to Dougie. Get blacked out and borderline get thrown out of the bar for being too drunk. Pull out the black card you keep stored in the back of your wallet and tell the girl you were just kidding and you already know her favorite drink. Spin her a few times rhythmically to "Give me Everything" and proceed to make out. TEBOWED.

Cooking:
Buy 14 packs of Scooby-Doo fruit snacks and Sunny-D from the grocery store. Go home and realize that you forgot to buy any ingredients to make salmon over rice pilaf. Get pissed that all you had to buy was salmon and rice pilaf and you got fruit snacks. Turn on the oven, realize that you have a perfectly good souffle in there that you made while you were drunk the night before, invite your girlfriend over, eat some souffle, and make some love. TEBOWED.

Blogging:
Get home. Go to the gym. Make some dinner. Scramble onto the internet and check the big three websites: AOL, Time.com, and Newser. See nothing. Read G-chats throughout the day for casual questions that you lead people to ask. Create a "Friends ask Dub" blog because people like that. Mention something realistic and relate-able that people will enjoy. Blast that shit on Facebook and Twitter. Get 8 funnies, 2 informationals, and have a girl you've never met at the bar tell you, "I love your blog!" TEBOWED.