Wednesday, November 9, 2011

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Do Paint Companies Think Men Are Stupid By Changing The Name Of Green To "Mo Money" And Yellow To "Beer Time?"

If you don't think I'm going to dip, dive, and dodge any home decorating duty in the future, you are outside your mind. I'm here for the grunt work like lifting moderately heavy items, holding maps, and telling you "yes" even when I hate where you decided to put the painting. Not equipped for anything involving paint.

I'm embarrassed for the paint company and the dudes that make shit like this possible. They had to hold a focus group asking, "Is 'Mo Money' a good idea as a replacement name for green paint?" and there had to be at least one dude that was pumped and said yes. I weep for this guy. And what fucking meat-head was thrilled when he heard about the "Beer Time" name? That shit is childish. In my extensive history of enjoying beer, I don't think I ever once uttered the phrase "Beer Time' because any time could be beer time. I've drank at every hour of everyday, so pigeon-holing beer into a specific time slot is downright offensive. And 'Mo Money is just ridiculous. Like we're chillin' back in 1995 with shiny suits on and a not dead Biggie running around talking about how many problems he has. Put your borderline racist paint away, chalk it up as a loss, and return to forest green like a reasonable hardware establishment.

If my wife came up to me and asked if I wanted to paint the nursery Beer Time or 'Mo Money, I'd divorce her ass so fast it'd make your head spin.

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