Monday, November 21, 2011

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Mario Party Drinking Game Was Legitimately The Worst Idea We've Had In Awhile

^if by "superstar" you mean "one that got irrationally drunk during a children's game and threw up mid-argument with your roommates" this picture nails it.

Every once in awhile my roommates try to switch the Friday/Saturday night routine up a bit. We usually settle on crushing drinks and watching music videos, but sometimes we try to get a little creative. Our definition of creative lives and dies with the N64. Ironically, we've outgrown beerpong, but devolved into loving video games from 1999 again. We usually keep it limited to sports and fighting games, but those are too hand-on to create a genuine drinking atmosphere. Mario Party on the other hand, is the Monopoly of Mushroom Kingdom. Games go on WAY too long, you don't care if you win or lose, and everyone is pissed at the end. A perfect drinking game on paper.

Bear in mind we did this once before and it did NOT go well. Basically we were all blacked out before we even left. I distinctly remember dry-heaving while spraying cologne on, trying to convince myself I was ok. You'd think that would make us not want to play again, but you forget we're idiots. So we thought, "Hey, maybe we should tone it down on the shots and replace it with beer." Reasonable on paper, but completely ineffective come game time. Rules were as follows:

Lose coins/Lose a mini-game=sip some beer
Get a star=give out a shot
Lose a star=take a shot

Seemed simple enough, but the problem is the game goes so slow, you're casually sipping the entire time. Before you know it, you're kind of buzzed on the 3rd turn and haven't even come close to winning anything yet. Needless to say, everyone more or less blacked out at the end and our night was ruined. We got to the bar way too late, sobered up waiting in line, got in and got drunk again, got too drunk, left the bar, tried to individually kill each other, began hurtful name-calling, attempted reconciliation, I threw up, continued the attempt, then I went upstairs to pass out with my clothes on. A+ night.

Saturday morning, in a hungover pre-McDonald's breakfast stupor, I stared the N64 down for 10 minutes weighing the highs and lows of breaking a video game cartridge in half at age 24. By the way, I'm single ladies.

PS. I see you Toad, shredding that banjo like a motherfucker

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