Tuesday, June 1, 2010

// //

5 Reasons You'd Eat A Shrimp Taco From Taco Bell

^and may God help your soul

1-You genuinely want to eat a cost efficient seafood taco: If this is the case, you sir/ma'am have lost your shit completely. Theoretically, the best shrimp taco you can possibly get probably wouldn't taste all that good. Add in the element of Taco Bell and you're dealing with an entirely new monster. Monster being the toilet monster.

2- You lost a bet: On an uneventful Friday or Saturday night you and your friends are drinking a bit and the commercial advertising said awful taco comes on. One friend says he'd rather die than eat that and another friend (based upon this statement) bets this friend to eat one. Arguments ensue, people get called names, and a determined amount of money (probably $25 if you're in college) piles everyone into the car on a trip to Taco Bell. The betted upon friend forces down the shrimp disaster, receives his payment, and a longtime friendship is destroyed..as well as the toilet.

3-The cashier misinterpreted what you ordered: In most situations, you'd straight up send that shit back, but the line's long and you're posted up at a great people-watching spot by the window. You're probably thinking, "eh this can't be that bad, shrimp is pretty good and it's not that big of a taco." Wait for it....wait for it. BAM! You feel awful. Literally top 5 worst feelings you've ever felt in your life and that's saying a lot because you've been bitten by a bear and a piranha at the same time. You're wishing you cut that fat chick in line now aren't you? Toilet.com

4-Life just hasn't given you a great hand overall: Because jumping off the bridge, nooses, and overdosing is so 2009, you've realized the un-best and most modern way to off yourself is via Pacific Shrimp Taco of death from TB. Rumor has it that if you top off the taco with Baja Blast Mountain Dew you burst into flames. If that's not a baller way to go, I don't know what is.

5-You want to use it as a weapon: You can't draw too much suspicion on yourself when you do this because that shit's 5-10 at least. You have to order the shrimp taco with a grimace on your face or else the attendant will hit the silent alarm. Trust me, you have to look like a customer knowingly ordering a shrimp taco, so you definitely can't be close to happy. Shit's as dangerous as Anthrax. Mail it, throw it at someone, somehow build a gun that shoots remnants of previous shrimp tacos, I don't know, the options are endless. The kicker to this is that your victim can't have a toilet around. At any costs.

0 Reactions to this post

Add Comment

Post a Comment