Tuesday, June 8, 2010

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Pretty Sure This Was The Worst Video Game Of All-Time

Actually I upgrade my statement from "pretty sure" to "most definitely."

As I was sitting today aimlessly daydreaming about how life generally sucks, I thought about the simpler times. The times of youth. The times of owning terrible, terrible games on the Super Nintendo. While there were a ton of good games, there were a few shit balls sprinkled in. It's like going to a birthday party when you were little. You get that grab bag with a bunch of candy in it, but there was always a couple Bubblicious or questionably flavored Tootsie Rolls you had to sift through. That was like being a little kid and straight up asking for a game. If you were the smallest bit vague, you best believe Dad was going to the electronics store, closing his eyes, and picking whatever his hand landed on. That's exactly how I imagine I ended up with Shaq-Fu.

I mean, I was and still am an Orlando Magic fan, but that didn't mean I had to support Shaquille O'neal's other ventures. Yes, my mom bought me two of his rap albums and yes one of the lines was, "boom, boom, boom, let me in, let me in, not by the hairs of my chinny chin chin." Ya know, I can look past those things. I knew that brotha was trying to put an extra wing on his house. But Shaq-Fu? Really man, a fighting game? I knew something was up when I had the option to choose a mummy, a lizard, and what appeared to be a gust of wind, along with Shaq. The lizard spit acid, the mummy chucked disease at you and well..the gust of wind touched you. Shaq threw a basketball. A god damn basketball. You get hit with a ball, you're doing ok. Maybe a bloody lip, maybe a jammed finger, at worst you're getting hit in the nuts, that's it. I don't see how Shaq thrived in this fighting arena. Dad, if you're reading this, you played it too. You asked the same questions. I was like 6, I had no fuckin' clue either.

I'm definitely getting my kid "LeBron's Lego Star Wars Adventures" when that inevitably comes out.

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