Wednesday, June 29, 2011

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When Do You Upgrade A Bug Bite From Mosquito To Black Widow?

I posed this question on my Facebook wall last week and a few people sprinkled it with responses. Some were sarcastic, some were douchebag-ish, and one thought I was genuinely afflicted with a Black Widow spider bite, telling me to keep an eye out for the "bulls-eye"--thanks for that.

Personally I don't get it. What motivation does a bug get to bite people? It's the summer time and I'm seeing quite a few overzealous mosquitoes making less than valid attempts at my arms and legs. Getting smushed and smacked with ease like they're on some rookie-ball bullshit. Put my in a mosquito's shoes and you best believe I'm strictly biting cows, bull-dogs, and tree sloths. Those are three of the least efficient animals out there. Everyday just struggling to put one foot in front of the other.

On to the topic though, I definitely have a black widow spider bite. Four hours left to live or so. This presumed mosquito bite has been itching like a mofo for literally 3 weeks. It's not a rash, it's just a little spot causing all sorts of cholera, dysentery, and other Oregon Trail fatal diseases.

I'm just going to roll the dice and assume I'm going to turn Spiderman 10.0 or something. You know, since I'm black.

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